No matter what you are working to recover from one day you will wake up and realize that you are not who you were before said thing. For me “One day” was about four and a half years after my paralysis. For those of you that follow my timeline or read my book you will know that this realization was fairly recent. One day last week I woke up and noticed that each goal I was working towards was for the old me and had no relevance in my life where I stand today. The realization that for years I had been plugging away at things that had no meaning or value to me anymore left me sobbing.
It was a bitter pill to swallow, yet at the same time It took a huge weight off my shoulders. As someone with extremely high self expectations, I had to stop beating myself up for no longer wanting any of those old dreams to come true. It was tough, but it is no surprise that the most trying years of my existence would force me to reevaluate and in turn want the exact opposite of what I strived for before. The more I pondered the more I realized that If I pursued my old goals I would never have the time to do the things that make my heart beat.
No Matter the cause we all lose ourselves at some point in life and what really matters is getting to a point where you are happy and flourishing again. I could say that I have a plan for whats coming next, but from day-to-day I am just going to go with the flow and see what happens. Some days I will write, others It will just be physio, and that’s okay because I am finally going to take the time my body needs to continue to heal.
It has become apparent to me repeatedly recently that I need to step up how proud I am to be a transgender person. Being genderqueer is one of the highlights of being me. From interview misquotes to even today while I taught at a conference.
Today as I walked the banquet hall looking for individuals that needed help I was pulled aside by a lady who wanted to talk. At first I was a little weary not sure what she wanted to discuss, but I was open to see how it panned out. As it turned out she just wanted to hear about my journey and how things got better after I began my transition and started living an authentic life so she could better support a family member in their journey.( not that I announce my transness to the world, but it could have been the five o’clock shadow beginning to show through my foundation) The conversation melted my heart and was just the reminder I needed today.
I will admit that transitioning is not easy in any way, but it is well worth working through. Once I gave up my nineteen year facade and started working towards my authentic life I found a level of joy and happiness that I had never experienced before. Since I started hormone replacement therapy everything changed as it is supposed to, before HRT I identified as a she and within a few months after I started I knew that I was more in the middle of the spectrum.
Being a they is the most authentic me I’ve ever been, sometimes that’s masculine, sometimes its feminine and thats ok, most people don’t understand that both gender and sexuality are spectrums. I didn’t even fully understand it until I started my journey.
For all the young queer folk out there I hope that you get to live your authentic lives from a younger age.
As you know I had my book launch in April and one of the attendees was kind enough to review the book. I will warn you that “he” was used repeatedly so don’t be too surprised. Yeah I’m trans I’m just non binary instead of female. Check out the review at the link below:
It seems that quite a few of the private messages and emails regarding this book have had very similar questions so I thought I would answer them here so people do not have to shoot us an email or a message for the frequently asked questions.
Do you regret having the surgery?
There were definitely times throughout the years of recovering that I questioned having the operation, but no it has led to some really amazing and unique experiences that most people do not get to have.
How did the paralysis affect your identity?
For the most part I have to say no, but there have been the odd frustrating moments where I was seen as just someone with a disability. Like anyone I had my struggles before the paralysis they just changed after it. It definitely notified my lifestyle, but I did not like where I was headed so it was a change for the better in my opinion.
Would you do it again?
If I had the ability to time travel back to the moment where I signed the consent forms I would do it all over again. It was tough and still can be at times, but for me this was a multi-year period of pure grown and a true test of character. Every experience in life has value no matter if it is positive or negative. Would we have any good stories if all of our lives were just sunshine and rainbows, no. We just have to learn to create the rainbows after the storms.
If you would like to purchase a copy of the e-book click here
Feel free to ask questions in the comments and I will answer as best as I can.
espite being a little intimidated at first the event was a complete success. At the end of the night I still had quite a few books left so I am now set up to invoice my readers and I am willing to ship globally. I have dedicated a page to Paralysis: Beating The Odds as stated on the page you can fill out a contact form or shoot me an email if you would like to purchase a signed copy of the novel.
As some of you know I published Paralysis: Beating The Odds last year and have been dragging my butt on launching the title. When I published I was very indifferent towards the title after several rounds of editing with no desire to launch it.
Now that it’s been almost eleven months I have the launch coming up in a week, and could not be more excited. Having to prepare for the reading and signing has made me reread several chapters of the book, which helped me both not hate the title and realize why the reviews mention my humor.
Depending on what age groups show up will change what chapters I read from but I think I’m fully prepared for my first public speaking engagement in years.